I have been keeping track of my word count since the start of the year. I happen to be fond of tracking things, random OCD thing probably. I have a nifty excel sheet with graphs and averages and… and… and I digress. The point is: last week was the first week this year that I managed to write over 5k words. This is extremely exciting for me. I was very happy I finally hit my goal, only took me 3 months.
But this is only the start and I know it. I still need to do it consistently which will be harder than hitting it in the first place. The other problem is this word count is measured in most everything I write, stories, blog, personal journal, guided prompts. I figure any writing is words well spent and I shouldn’t sell myself short. This leads to me still feeling like I am not getting jack poo done.
Last weeks word count was mostly from personal journal entries and some guided prompts that I have been doing with the kid. No story writing done. Still. Always. I write, therefore I am a writer. I am just having issues being a fiction writer. Sometimes I really think about doing nonfiction, I am extremely good at research papers. I blame public schools but that rant is not the point today.
I have gone back to reading more tips for writers though. Except that I keep getting stuck in this loop of where outlining is the better option and what I want to do, but I can’t come up with ideas to outline. So I try to just wing it until I get a good enough idea, but I keep getting stuck not knowing where to go, thinking “Hey! I should have an outline!”. Going back and trying to outline and I feel like I have no ideas again. Rinse and repeat, anyone?
How the hell do I get past this? Mostly, I think it involves not thinking about it. For me, that’s like telling me not to breathe while I am at it. Extremely difficult to shut off my brain. Prompts are nice, they give me a base point. But prompts a story does not make. I have even tried a kind of prompt outline, building each scene on a prompt to try and trick myself into working. Nope, nada, I can see through my clever ruse and I reject it wholeheartedly.
So I still sit here and work on writing, writing anything to try and get something down. Read many tidbits lately that amount to “you have to write 1000 words of crap to get 50 words that work”. Hoping somewhere in my word upchucking something will click. I know it will just take practice to numb myself to my own writing and just let me get on with it already. But somehow running headfirst into a blank screen every day doesn’t seem to be doing much but giving me a headache.