Okay, so I have now missed 3 blog posts last week and 1 already this week (which I guess is actually the one I am writing now, just late). I hate this. I should be okay, and just let it slide and not stress, but I hate it. I want to do this right which means making a job and blogging 5 days a week like I said. I cannot let myself slide.
So on that note, I spent several hours yesterday putting together blog post ideas, taking notes, looking at writing crap that I can blog on, etc etc. A large part of my problem is I’m still not sure where my content is going on this blog. I don’t know if its a blog on writing or a blog about a writer. Technically its both, even say so at the top of the page someplace (On writing, and not), but still hard to wrap my head around that some days. It means I am sitting here staring at a blank screen and having no clue where I am going or where to even start.
Posts on writing seem shallow to me because I don’t do enough writing. I can write about all the advice I hear and try and sound like an authority, but I am not yet. I can write about my trials and tribulations except I don’t do enough writing to have trials and tribulations at the moment. I am still trying to get past putting an idea onto paper. Being a pantser isn’t working but can’t flesh out an idea enough to outline either. Mainly because I don’t start with an idea, I just start writing a scene and hopefully the scenes will build upon themselves and figure out a story that I can cut to ribbons and tighten up later.
Posts on not writing seem boring and trivial. My day was tedious enough for me and I lived it. Who wants to hear about it later? Tons of people probably, if I had an interesting voice to make it exciting but I don’t think I am quite there yet either.
Sometimes I think I just started this blog too early, but on the other hand I think starting it early will give me sufficient fuck up time before I have to be good at it. The bottom line is I need to be writing. I need to write blogs and stories and journals (which I’ve also been skipping lately). There are a million reasons for my lacking at this point, OCD and depression being the main ones, but I really can’t let myself lean on reasons. I just need to get off my ass and do what needs to be done.
In that vain, all that research that went into blog posts will continue and I am going to try and work up a backlog. But first, food. Cause its noon and I still haven’t eaten and my tummy is feeling it. (The theory was to get up and write this post and get food, but got distracted and stressed, which is doubling the tummy ache, so no post, no food. Post done, I get food now!)
Edit: Oh yea, and something about a picture gallery that I started working on a week or two ago and need to finish. At least I’m getting some stuff done!