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Some thoughts

I have struggled since the inception of this blog to figure out what the hell I am going to say on it. I felt (feel?) like I was hastily rushed into it with little planning or general forethought; this isn’t exactly a bad thing. It means I got it going when I otherwise would have procrastinated my ass off, which is a very good point, but it also means that I keep staring at it and feel intimidated not knowing what to write. Though I slowly been realizing a few things.

I always worry if it’s good enough, if it’s important enough. The internet is full of people sharing their point of view, the best way I have seen it laid out is here through the theory of “Why wasn’t I consulted?” I don’t feel the need to inflict my opinion on the masses, indeed I often feel like I should avoid it wholeheartedly. What I think and feel has no bearing on the rest of the universe, nor does what others think and feel have direct influence over me. I still read blogs though, why? For the voice. For the way they share their opinions and thoughts. They are funny, insightful, show me a different perspective, every blog I read has something that draws me to it, and not just their unwarranted ramblings on the pros and cons of cat pictures.

Secondly, I don’t need to make this something deep. This blog is for me, to help me write and to find my voice. I am not trying to sell something, I don’t need to make it polished and pretty, slick and shiny. I keep a journal, but keeping a private journal does not amount to the same thing as keeping a public one. There I write about my day, my mood, I don’t think, I rarely punctuate properly. It is just stream of consciousness writing. Here, I would rather explore specific subjects, even if it’s a few lines and a link as Tobias Buckell does it. Or a mix of rants, ramblings and random crap as John Scalzi does with Whatever. What matters is that I am putting some thought into the posts, that I am going back and editing to help enhance my writing. People reading it helps, I get feedback that way; but if they don’t read it, so what? I don’t aspire to some great legacy or amazing number of views a day.

The major problem for me concerning a less thought out blog is that, because I have never aspired to converse with others often, I quietly file away my thoughts and move on with subjects. I have many opinions about things, but rarely share those even in my every day life. So while I have identified what seems to be my core problems on keeping up with blogging, I don’t know how to fix them very well. I need to talk about what I am thinking about, but always feel like I should talk about something “important” or at least worth reading. In short, I am a basket case with social hangups, wheee.

I still work to overcome them though. So for the foreseeable future, I am going to make a concerted effort to post more frequently while trying to turn my brain off. See something interesting, talk about it. Again, I say to myself in hopes I will hammer it into my head, this blog isn’t about the views – it’s about getting myself to write. If you want to read along to laugh at me or encourage me or just because sometimes I will go off on interesting tangents about aliens in my soup, feel free. I am only one blog on the internet, I would be just as happy blending in as I would be standing out.

And while I say all this now, and fully intend to follow through at the moment, future-me does not always agree with now-me and I will probably start the vicious cycle of not knowing to write all over again. But in the meantime, go me!

 

Also, I will probably change the layout soon.

  1. The layout I am using will no longer be supported so would rather find a new layout now before it randomly breaks on me
  2. I think I am ditching/simplifying my tags and categories
  3. I like change and am feeling very autumn-y, maybe some nice red-orange tones to match the season